


But you pushed me away and you lost me, and now you’re lost

by Toomanyfandoms99



Series: Moriah Codas: A Trilogy [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Coda, Dream Sex, Episode: s14e20 Moriah, M/M, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Post-Episode: s14e20 Moriah, Sequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 16:42:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18706270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toomanyfandoms99/pseuds/Toomanyfandoms99
Summary: Lips caught Dean’s jawline, the brush of a thick and full beard tickling his neck.  The mouth pulled back, resting on his neck and scratching his skin.Goosebumps rose, and Dean huffed, “stop movin’, Cas.”





	But you pushed me away and you lost me, and now you’re lost

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my other season 14 finale coda, “Bury my heart six feet under, throw us a funeral.”
> 
> The title was taken from the song “Hollow Crown” by Ellie Goulding.
> 
> Thank you all for the amazing reception to my previous coda! Enjoy!

Dean had never woken up so well rested in his life.

He was used to sleeping on hard mattresses and inside his car for most of his life. He was used to the immense discomfort and treated it like an old friend.

Ever since he got his own room in the bunker, though, his memory foam mattress had him more picky about sleeping arrangements. He soon became used to being comfortable, and that made hunts and motel stays even less appealing.

It took one single change to help Dean sleep, no matter where he was.

He felt finger pads dip into his hips, sliding between his ribcage. A palm settled on his side, the light press of thin metal warm on his skin.

Dean’s lips curved into a smile instinctually, and his eyelashes fluttered, but remained closed.

Breaths that weren’t his tickled his cheek, and the sheets shifted.

Lips caught Dean’s jawline, the brush of a thick and full beard tickling his neck. The mouth pulled back, resting on his neck and scratching his skin. 

Goosebumps rose, and Dean huffed, “stop movin’, Cas.”

Cas’s tone was so deep it made Dean’s skin vibrate. “No thank you.”

Dean held back a wide smile. “Wasn’t askin’.”

“Oh?” Cas shifted again, Dean’s back winding up pressed against the bed. Dean’s eyes opened into slits as he recognized the feel of Cas’s bare body straddling him. “You don’t want an encore?”

“Hm.” Dean’s eyes opened fully, and the sight of Cas on top of him very nearly destroyed him.

Cas’s eyes glittered with desire and something mischievous, sapphires standing out against muted colors. He perched on Dean’s thighs and waited, ready to pounce like a panther and reduce Dean to whimpers. Cas’s beard and messy hair would make anyone else look unkempt, but it made him look seasoned, possibly even refined. Even now, Cas managed a gracefulness that Dean could only dream to acquire, a confidence that was not there a mere few years ago.

Cas was completely, blissfully human, but Dean had to remind himself of that constantly.

“Husband,” Dean said roughly, “I’m very tired.”

Cas squinted his eyes, reading Dean like a book, piercing through his half-truth. “You don’t look very tired,” he added pointedly, “husband.”

Dean caught one of Cas’s hands, resting on Dean’s stomach, and brought it to his lips. “Does it still hurt?”

Cas glanced at the bruise on his left shoulder, and shook his head.

Dean lifted himself on his elbows, Cas pinning down his lower half. “Want me to kiss it anyway?” He teased.

Cas rolled his eyes, but Dean didn’t miss the little smile at the corner of his mouth.

Since Cas was constricting his movement, Dean pressed a kiss to two of his fingers. He then reached out and placed those two finger pads against Cas’s bruise lightly.

“There ya go,” Dean said softly. “All better.”

“Sap,” Cas shot back, tossing his legs back to his side of the bed, lying down beside Dean.

The sheets were a mess, tangling their limbs together in a strange knot. Cas didn’t seem to care, because he was barely covered at all. Only from knees to stomach, the rest of him leaving nothing to the imagination.

Cas’s flippancy in regards to his own body made Dean regret denying him.

Dean turned on his side, watching Cas observe his ceiling fan, the vent opening, the crack in the wall.

He brushed his fingers along Cas’s cheek, tickling his facial hair. “Are you ever gonna shave?”

Cas’s eyes fluttered to the side, taking Dean in as much as he was able. “Are you saying I should?”

“No,” Dean said with a little smile. “I would never tell you what t’do.”

Cas did a quick scrub of his face, then murmured, “I’ll trim it.”

“M’kay.”

They elapsed into silence, Cas shifting to his side a moment later. He mirrored Dean’s position, and they observed one another.

Cas exhaled through his nose, and said, “Sam will be waiting on us soon.”

“He can wait.” Dean searched Cas’s drawn face, the eyes that reeled him in all those years ago. “I’m admiring my husband at the moment.”

Cas’s eyelashes fluttered, the closest indication of bashfulness Dean would get. “Tell me about the moment you fell in love with me.”

Cas did this every once in a while to mess with Dean, and he couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I fell in love with you,” Dean breathed, “the day I found you in Purgatory. You looked just like this,” he touched Cas’s beard pointedly, “and I was so happy to see you, that it had to be love.”

“And then what?” Cas asked, inquisitive but playful, because he knew how the story ended.

“When I saw you on Earth again,” Dean continued softly, “I had to kiss you, so I did. We’ve been goin’ strong ever since, and we got married a year ago, and we’re livin’ happily ever after.”

“As happily as one can be,” Cas corrected, “when hunting zombies.”

“Zomb...zombies?” Dean narrowed his eyes, the image shifting into something else, something blurrier.

In and out of focus.

Cas’s voice echoed, “you took serious hits the other night. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Cas touched Dean’s cheek numbly, and blood appeared on his finger pads. He frowned. “It seems that your wounds haven’t healed all the way. You should be more careful, Dean.”

He heard a sound somewhere off to the side, and his head snapped at attention.

His vision darkened, and he saw nothing at all.

————

Dean’s eyes felt like they were glued shut. Heat was falling off his skin in waves, and he forced himself to wake.

He shot out of bed, his bedroom encompassed in darkness.

He was alone.

It was a dream.

There was a sudden knocking on his door, and his heart thudded against his chest.

“Huh?” He asked hoarsely.

The doorknob turned, and Dean clutched the sheets in his fists as he sat up.

The door fell ajar, and Castiel was there, lingering by the doorframe.

“You were having a nightmare,” Castiel said hollowly. “I wanted to ensure you were not distressed.”

The weight of Castiel’s words from a week ago crashed in on Dean relentlessly, and he nearly drowned.

‘I’ve fallen out of love with you,’ Castiel had said, watching Jack burn on the funeral pyre outside Kelly’s house.

Ever since he said that, Castiel had withdrawn emotionally, to put it lightly. He treated them like they were another task, another job to complete. Castiel had detached from them almost entirely, save for zombie hunts. 

Dean had tried to speak to him alone several times, but it was to no avail. Castiel flew away, got out of dodge before he and Sam could so much as blink.

The knot that settled in Dean’s stomach had not left him since Jack’s funeral. He felt weak, and sick, and horrible.

Dean tasted ash in his mouth as he said numbly, “I’m okay now. Thank you.”

Castiel made to leave the doorframe, his hand touching the knob.

“Wait,” Dean found himself pleading.

Castiel paused, looking in on Dean with squinted eyes. “What?”

Dean’s heart raced. He thought fast, and said the only thing he could. “I’m sorry.”

‘For being an asshole. For not realizing the truth until it was too late. For not being there for you.’

There were so many endings to tack on to his apology, but Castiel inclined his head in understanding before Dean could speak any of them aloud.

Then, Castiel shut the door, his footsteps leaving the hallway.

Dean was left in silence, in darkness, and felt even sicker.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
